Ah. Oh. Just when you think you’re not that far removed from the metal mainstream, at least in your heart if not your age, this turns up. All Hail The Yeti. I was promised “a hair raising mixture of superstitious ritual and trippy backwoods folklore…all drenched in the countercultural, mind smashing, gut-punching bile of like-minded artists like Acid Bath and Eyehategod…” Sounds very promising, no?


This is as countercultural as stadium fillers like Five Finger Death Punch or Bring-Me-The-Bullet-For-My-36-Disturbed-Friends. You know the style: growl growl thump thump start clean singing chorus with words about lies and fighting some vague fight or edgy shit about serial killers and cults… I mean if you like that, go right ahead, All Hail The Yeti will not let you down at all. Countercultural? My work clothes are more countercultural.

Ah, what to say.

Ok the objective stuff. Firstly it is nice to see a normal sized band (I’m guessing four piece as they list three but no guitarist.) You really don’t need three guitarists and a keyboard player to play this style if you have the right three guys and AHTY do. Yep, they can certainly play and they are tight as this needs to be. They have also got an expensive sounding, if utterly generic production. They know the value of a breakdown, a turn of speed and a chorus that I guess in this subgenre counts as catchy. There is as needed, a lot of energy here too so live or at some club it will be great for exuberant teenagers. The clean vocals are good. So *how* they do what they do is difficult to fault. Again, knock yourself out if this is your thing… You might have wandered onto the wrong site though, jus’ sayin’. Still it takes all sorts and I’d rather kids were weaned on this than the misogynistic, arrogant and vacuous shite that comes outta both ends of Kanye West, for example.

The thing is though that, to these ears that genuinely try to take everything I get without baggage, I cannot tell who I am listening to. From riffs to both style of vocals they sound like that background blur I get at a mate’s house when we come back from the pub, can’t be arsed to stick on a specific album so just queue up the endless music videos. Kerrang, Scuzz, whatever… This comes straight out of the cookie cutter factory and will end up in stadiums if fortunate or if not into some straight to streaming film and then out to the malls.

Yep, I know I am not the target audience but I am here to give you my opinion, whichever end of me you think it comes from.

Kerrang will love it, All Hail The Yeti will laugh all the way to the bank, luck willing. I will never listen to it again, sorry.

I’d like to hear the album the PR sheet told me about though….

(3.5/10 Gizmo)