Do not worry, no need to alert PETA, there is absolutely no harm done to any defenceless animals here. Not that pandas are exactly defenceless; would you want to piss one off? This is probably why Eviscerated Panda is a good name for a bunch of up and coming thrash metal-heads from Reading who decide through a mutual love of all things heavy to put a band together and go for guts (ha no pun intended) and glory. First Reading, next Wacken! Well that’s the plan anyway. Anyone thinking they are surely screwed from the offset with such a Spinal Tap sort of name; take it with a pinch of salt as continuing in a grand tradition of not real but made up bands, this is what we have in this debut novel by Sarah Tipper.

I was reading (not the place, this could get confusing) a book about a similar made up band from Nottingham, The Chimneys called Full Bacon Jacket (by Tom Hathaway) recently and it was a similar tale but featuring an Indie band with emphasis on all they drunk and all the trouble they got into. Frankly it was over the top, silly and a tad annoying and I spent the whole time thinking why doesn’t someone do this with a metal band? Lo and behold this hit the door mat with a very loud thud.

Eviscerated Panda are true dyed in the wood metal heads and their story is one that all of us who have been in a band or have friends that have and observed the scene know well. It is not just about the four band members themselves but is highly observational of all the people around them, friends, girlfriends, parents, wives, other bands etc and it is an incredibly character driven novel. This is where the skill of the writer comes into the fore as it really involves you in all their lives from their jobs, mundane and as you would expect done for the sole purpose of surviving to the weekend and living their dream. There is also the pub where they gather called The Green Man and the local venue The Edge, where they inevitably end up playing and winning over.

There are all the trials and tribulations one would expect of being in a band. Personality clashes of course are always present. One member has a bit of a porn habit and when he finally settles down and picks a girlfriend on his wavelength they both consider she would be perfect to manage the band (draw your own parallels to that one). There is the difficulty of building up a fan base something that with the help of the Internet the Pandas do pretty well at. Then there is the task of picking the right gigs and dealing with the ego of dodgy promoters, another all too familiar story (one that anyone who has ever had the misfortune of going to a gig in Swindon will recognise all too well). The alliances with other bands is also an interesting part of the novel as the group end up sharing stages and equipment with others such as Demon Speeding, Over Revved Engine and I have to wonder why there never was a female punk band called Spunky Knickers, they could have been massive?

It is evident that the author is no outsider looking in and she almost certainly lives for metal herself. The band’s involved are always a bit on the clichéd side and there is no surprise that the Pandas throw in a cover of a Slayer song into the set and everyone worships the more well known bands but things are peppered with wry anecdotes and references to everyone from Napalm Death, to Pop Will eat Itself, Alice Cooper, Dead Kennedys, Wolfsbane, Bolt Thrower and beyond. One section of the book is a girls’ guide to metal written by band friend and up and coming journalist Cleo specifically for a band member’s non metal girlfriend and will have you nodding your head along in agreement every step of the way.

The character driven format is a bit much to take in at times simply due to the fact that there are so many people involved in this tale. I found myself having to pop back a few pages occasionally to cross reference who is who but it all makes sense once that is done. I do wonder if the book would be told quite the same way if it was written by a metal obsessed bloke but then again I found the style very refreshing, it was not all bravado and bragging but a lot of focus on the cast members as actual people. I am not sure if a male writer would have handled it so well in an observational style and done it with quite such a sensibility. That said as a guy I really enjoyed it and as far as the male dominated world of metal is concerned a lady will certainly be able to really get into this book without feeling ostracised or overwhelmed by it in the slightest.

Yes I have not given much of the plot away and why would I? After all what you need to do is pick this up and discover what happens for yourself. Also it is, as said, a story whose narrative backdrop will be one you will ultimately almost certainly be au fait with if a visitor to this site. I am not going to say where the Panda’s and their friends end up at the end of this tale but I will say that I cared enough for it to want to see another segment in their lives written, there is scope for this tale to continue. Who knows perhaps in the way that This Is England showed the evolvement of a tribe, this could too. I shall wait and hope.

Available on Amazon and all good book stores, if they ain’t got it they not good, comprende?

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